Dr. Neder:

I read one of your articles about how to keep my boyfriend interested in me sexually. You said to try to change things up but honestly I feel like I just want to be myself because if he fell in love with who I am then why should I change just for him to show interest in me again?

He says that he would like a challenge and play hard to get sometimes and to tell him no more but, I feel like I'm playing games and I'm not exactly into it. Please try to help me figure out a way to get his interest back for me without me having to feel like I have to put on an act and be someone I'm not.

Let me tell you a little story:

One day, this inventor created the world's greatest mousetrap. Never before had anyone ever seen anything so impressive! He was very proud of his work and just knew that he'd become a multi-millionaire because of how great his new invention was.

The problem was that nobody bought it.

If it was so great, why didn't anyone buy it? Simple: it cost $200 each and was so complicated to use that nobody could figure it out.

So, rather than change his mousetrap, he went about trying to convince everyone how great it was, but they didn't listen to him. They said nice things to placate him, but in fact, they still didn't buy his mousetrap.

Finally, as an old man at the end of his life, he was just bitter that everyone else was "stupid" and just couldn't see his vision.

..and everyone kept buying mousetraps for $1 that were "good enough".

So, why did I tell you that story? You're becoming that inventor. You're convinced that your boyfriend should just like everything about you without you having to change or grow or do anything. You shouldn't give him what he's asking for because it means you have to do some work.

So, one day, he'll dump you and go find some woman that WILL give him what he wants. Then, you'll be left bitter and unhappy, believing that he's "stupid" for not knowing what he had. Unfortunately, he'll never know what he had because all he could see (and remember) was that girlfriend that didn't want to put out any effort to be what he needed and she figured it should just be "good enough".

There is nothing in this world that is more wasteful that this sort of attitude. It's not an "act" or a put-on or anything like that to be what your boyfriend wants you to be! In fact, it's all about relationship management.

Sure, you don't want to have to be the only one that works hard to manage your relationship, but that doesn't mean it takes no work whatsoever! Every relationship takes work and you know exactly what work yours needs. You should be very happy that your boyfriend actually TOLD you what he wants - many guys (and girls!) just think you should already know and get angry when you don't!

Now, with all of that said, I'd caution you to get the REAL story from your boyfriend. Honestly, I seriously doubt that he always wants you to tell him "no". Maybe he wants that once in a great while, but trust me; no man wants to have to constantly work for his partner's affection!

This is likely his way of telling you something else. What that is, I don't specifically know. Perhaps he wants to you to take on a character that challenges him where he has to become a little more aggressive with you or something like that.

Be careful about reading in the wrong thing here - go talk to him instead! Communication is THE aphrodisiac. Get a very clear picture of what he wants and then simply become that woman. You'll never lose him if you do this, but you're actually showing him the door if you don't.

Best regards...

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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: , Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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